A Xmas thought

...that the actors Tom Baker and Brian Blessed should star, or at least narrate, a porn movie. Just imagine Brian Blessed's booming voice exclaiming 'I am coming, I am coming, make way, for I am coming.' Actually, I would pay to see that movie. Thanks to the iPod Perv for role playing that scenario with me on Friday night.

One of my lesser-known ambitions is to dub a porn movie. Perhaps that should be on the list for 2006.

Right, i'm off to pack for some r & r in Szczecin & Gdansk.

Do widzenia,

Fearless

Listening to: John Coltrane live at the Half Note (the great find of 2005), Terry Callier and The Four Tops (not their poppy shit)

Mood: vintage Fearless, pre-2002

Is it art?

Who am I kiddin'? This is what happens when a bunch of 30-somethin' fellas forget to stick to what they do best.

Here is what Prad did at school today:



Very Carmen Miranda.

'D' in self-portrait, snowbound:

Here is Simon's, errr - contribution:

...and my modest effort, 'Family Bizzarro':

I am off to get off, ciao.

Fearless

Sushi Etiquette

This made me laugh, while my bowels grimaced.

Jump Back!

I am now back in the office following my two week stint in South Korea & Taiwan. I had missed the travel, although business travel is a poor substitute for hobo'ing it around the world. It feels somewhat frustrating being back at a desk, submitting expenses and processing legal documents. But that's just until the next trip.

Looking back at my last post, I could be forgiven for speculating as to whether I am about to enter a mid-life crisis.

Listening to: Gypsy punk, Jackie Mittoo, Green Day & The Christians

More than a passing thought

I have been thinking for a while about what car to get as a replacement to the jolly green tank (170,000 miles +) next year. I considered several modern options, ostensibly as my sole mode of transport. However, I am thinking of getting a Dagenham dustbin (Focus) or Luton Loo roll (Astra) to run into the ground for work, and one of the following for fun.

Lancia Aurelia

Datsun 240Z

BMW 2002

Alfa Romeo Montreal

If I don't do it next year, I never will. There are a few other alternatives, but I quite fancy the Datsun 240/260. Better wait for the remaining points to vanish from my license.

From the annals of bullshit revisionism

My last full day in Seoul. It's cold and windy, and I am stuck in the hotel room working. What's in the mini bar? Snacks for GI Joe of course - beef jerky. I'd rather have VD in the DMZ.

I think the hotel is a bit pants (I can't believe Kristof and D thought this was fine). I should have let my Korean contacts book something. However, kudos to the in-house dry cleaner for removing the blood stain from my tie.

CNN (tradename: Chicken Noodle News - it's fast, filling, but not very good) is celebrating its 25th birthday by playing past clips, e.g. the rescue of GI Jessica Lynch from a Baghdad hospital. Hmmm, I don't know about you, but didn't this rescue involve marines shooting at hospital walls and overpowering unarmed doctors and nurses, who had been looking after GI Lynch?

This is also the same channel that gets basic facts wrong, e.g. Budapest is the capital of Romania (no it isn't, it's Bucharest).

I better pack. Off to Taipei tomorrow.

A thought while scraping ice off the car

I was thinking of past puffs, and this came out:

'Post-Puff Flashback'

Smoking
has claimed,
so very many
lives -

Mostly non-smokers
who were taken in
by those
they considered cool.

Other people I work with

Simon's desk (note midget pin-up):


Tech-jism magazine (note article headline referring, again, to midgets):


Farmer Kristof:


TaffyDaddy goes all Elton John and flees:

After being told that the squeaking sound was his butt in tight spandex, and assured that I didn't record it, he calms down, regains composure, and opens up to a bit of centrefold action:

Reminiscing about: BA0025 to Hong-Kong, where the steward was due to play a safety video, and accidently (?) played a film clip from another channel, at the point that two teenage characters (one wearing wire metal braces in her teeth) experiment in oral sex. Yes, I heartily recommend the film 'The 40 Year Old Virgin'.

A Touch of the Sherlock Holmes...

Spent most of the working week thinking about the identity of the scallywag who planted the following item on my desk at the beginning of the week (ok, Wednesday - it was a long weekend)


This was something of a surprise to me


I knew it couldn't be a female I worked with (and it wasn't Kucko), it had to be a bloke. Could it be 'Staunchly Straight' Simon? He had recently 'turned', judging from his new red shoes:

Lets face it, he was too obvious a choice (he oils his pushrods every weekend), so I crossed him off my Shit List of Suspects. I asked the 'Chillie Dick Kid' ('D' had recently suffered an unfortunate incident in Texas involving a bowl of Chilli and a gents urinal), but it wasn't his modus operandi (he prefers to slip a side of beef in a bun).

I interrogated 'Gupta', slapping him about with my copy of the Economist (extra thwacking power - guaranteed every week!). It was fun beating a confession out of him, even though I knew it wasn't him (he prefers to send spoof text messages).

After a series of discussions it became clear that the culprit was our very own Delia Smith - Kristof - who had wowed us all earlier in the week by inviting us to taste his unique 'chocolate surprise', plopped onto a plate. I leave you to figure out where the surprise element came into it.

But a 'transgression' has opened up an opportunity. I now have a pack of love hearts, and I think it is time to send them out on an adventure - with a letter of introduction of course...

Brushing up on: French sexual slang

Writing projects: nothing much, other than a spoof business plan (where would I submit that? Hmmm)

Having a laugh reading: 'National Strategy for Victory in Iraq'

Preparing to: go to Korea & Taiwan for a two week jaunt