Decision?

I had really wanted to get a stonkingly fast car, like days of old (my beloved Alfa). However, there were a number of issues, namely:

• I still have 6 points on my license (from an all-time personal best of 12), and although they come off by the end of the year, the insurance companies will long remember them, so insurance for a fast car will be very expensive
• Most of the cars on this list are petrol engined, and I would prefer a diesel as I do 100 miles a day
• If I get a fast car, I will probably get done again
• If I don't get done first, the car will probably get nicked

So I compromised. I wanted something that:

• Was small and fun
• Had great mid range punch for overtaking, but wasn't likely to get me done for speeding around town
• Had low running costs
• Had something of the air of a Q car

Yes, I could afford something better, but what was the point? I needed the cash for my breast enhancement (just the one bap, mind).

I found something. Here's what the reviewers had to say:

Jeremy Clakson in The Times
'What the figures don’t tell you, though, is just how quickly this little car accelerates in the midrange. In a petrol car, the power comes in a smooth stream across the rev range, but in this, all 130 horses seem to arrive at once.

You don’t hang on to the gear, feeling the surge growing in strength. You put your foot down and the power comes in a huge lump, like a wrecking ball. It’s over as quickly as it arrived, but that’s okay because you’ve overtaken the car in front with yards to spare.

Study the performance characteristics of this car carefully and you will arrive at an extraordinary conclusion. It may only be a 1.9 litre diesel hatchback, but round a track it will blow a supercharged Mini Cooper into the weeds. It is astonishingly fast.

At this point I’d love to tell you that by fitting such a huge oil-burning stove under the bonnet they’ve sent the handling all to cock. But I’m afraid not. It hangs on well, there’s lots of feedback through the steering, and, as a bonus I really wasn’t expecting, it rides nicely too. So you get all the thrills of a genuine hot hatchback, in a well-screwed-together, comfortable and practical package which, because it’s a diesel, will go from here to Nebraska on a single tank.

Great, but you’re not interested, are you? You think there must be something wrong with it, and you know that telling people at parties you have a ***** is like telling them you have an embarrassing discharge.'

The Telegraph
'Sharp pricing, stonking mid-range performance, practicality and fuel economy, complemented by a sensible driving range. Got that?'

Autoexpress
'In fact, the comment book is full of praise, with colleagues citing both the great straight-line pace and incredible fuel economy.'

'Although the Ibiza FR will get to 60mph from rest 1.3 seconds quicker than the vRS, it gets obliterated by the **** on in-gear times thanks to the turbodiesel engine's 228lb ft of torque. In the real world, the Ibiza has difficulty keeping up, let alone getting past.'

So what is it? It's this. What I was after though, was the fire-breathing diesel version of this, but it won't be out until the end of the year, and I can't wait. Hey. they're all VW's anyway, with the same platform, engines, suspensions, transmission, etc.

Listening to: 1970s funk music from Ghana and Badly Drawn Boy