Profiles III

'Big Bird'

Butter wouldn't melt in that beak,
befriending children at that age of innocence,
and stealing their sweets,
pimping impressionable Elmo
and filming him with Mister Snuffle-upagus,
while they generated polyfoam friction burns -
only to supply the material to that perverted grouch Oscar,
jacking off in that trashcan laden with damp towels and asthma inhalers,
while tag-teaming with Miss. Piggy to have Kermit in that carnally reductive way.
It could have been much worse, but he didn't have opposable thumbs.

Taipei, 10th March 2006

One Sick Muppet