Further potential ads for the LRB

'Mano a mano, hombre a hombre, you ain't a man 'til you have been with a man, gringo.' M35, seeks F to 80, to prove his mother wrong.

Knees up Mother Brown. George Formby stunt-double, 35, seeks F to 111, with the attributes to make him twang his ukulele into a state of post-orgasmic bliss.

I have dreadful luck with women. Male, 35, invites you to add to his continuing state of disbelief in innovative ways. Patent-pending methods especially welcome.

I don't have an Oedipal complex. 'Mummy's special boy', 35, wallowing in denial, seeks to be taken in hand by F to 69.

I am 72.6% water. Drink me. M, 35, seeks lipstick marks on his glass that don't belong to his father.

The pieman cometh. Well, he (M, 35) would if he could find a buxom pastry chef (F to 102) whose prowess with a rolling pin would bring tears to his eyes.

Lucky in life, unlucky in love. No! Wait! The test results are negative! M35, seeking buxom broad for matronly aftercare.

Save me from my right hand. Serial self-abuser, M35, seeks loquacious self-help expert and voyeur, F to 256, to encourage him to stick with the left, if only for old time's sake.